The Other Side
Ken Bontrager
July 25, 2020
Second of Four / 2020 Essays on Race and Diversity
Camp Deerpark, from the beginning in 1969, has been a place where people of all cultures have come together to break down barriers. A few weeks ago Kevin Smith shared his perspective on race relations and diversity. Following is the second of four short essays from my perspective.
I have been honored and blessed to have been invited into many conversations and experiences over the past 37 years which have shaped and enriched my life. Ms. Mary Joseph told me the key is changing the heart, not the laws. Dr. Drew Hart challenged me to push into knowing the other side. Jesus called both a tax collector and a zealot to be his disciples. And finally, David Miller stressed Imago Dei, the importance of seeing every person as made in the image of God.
My experience has shown me that breaking down racial stereotypes and prejudices happens best with one-on-one relationships. I have been honored to be in several relationships where honest and loving communication has helped me see the world differently.
In 2018 I had the privilege of reading Trouble I’ve Seen by Dr. Drew G.I. Hart (which we highly recommend). Dr. Hart also agreed to share with our small group of Peace Camp participants that summer. We were grateful that he was able to carve out the time and fully engage with our small group. Dr. Hart tells a story of an encounter with a white suburban pastor. Sitting in Mc Donald’s with a tall cup of sweet tea between them the pastor suggested, “This cup has writing on my side of the cup and a logo on yours. But I can’t see what is on your side of the cup. Likewise, you can’t see what is on my side of the cup.” Dr. Hart writes, “After explaining why I already knew what was on his side of the cup, I continued on. I noted that in contrast to me, he most likely could go through his entire life without needing to know black literature, black intellectual thought, black wisdom, black art and music, or black history. That is, he could choose to never engage with or be changed by the range of beauty of the black community. Nor would he be penalized for it.”
When I arrived in the Bronx as an eighteen-year-old, Michael Banks invited me to move around the cup and see the world from his perspective. He was ten years older than me and treated me somewhere between a son and a little brother. We obviously had many disagreements and misunderstandings, but we were always family and Michael always told me the truth with love. He gently pulled me around the cup to see the beauty and struggle of life from his side.
We don’t always get it right, but we have to keep pushing in. Just a few weeks ago I was on a zoom call with several other directors of camps that serve inner city youth. One long-time and very accomplished African-American director shared his frustration with being talked down to by a white foundation administrator. With pain and frustration in his voice he told us, “Other than the color of my skin, there was no reason for him to think I would not know the difference between interest and principle. And they didn’t give us the grant.” Instead of just listening and trying to understand his frustration, I jumped in and told my own story of being declined a gift request. Not his point at all. I missed the opportunity to see his side of the cup and, instead, wanted him to see my side.
I encourage my white brothers and sisters to press into knowing, understanding, and experiencing the other side of the cup. Learn African-American and Latino culture and history. Pursue friendships that will authentically move you to the other side of the cup. If you mess up like I have hundreds of times, dust yourself off and get back at it. If you find this to be uncomfortable, please know that uncomfortable is like a muscle that can be strengthened. It is not the responsibility of our friends of color to make us comfortable. It is our responsibility to strengthen the uncomfortability muscle.
May God give us grace.
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